In the Words of Lady Gaga and Tamra, "I'm a Free B*tch"

It is 1:41 am and I have much to discuss. Where to begin? I am slightly buzzed, which means my typing may be suspect. My good friends know that this is the norm for me, so hopefully it's not a huge deal to my occasional readers. Hmmm I'd like to begin with the fact that today another heart was broken by yours truly. Maybe it wasn't actually broken (I don't want to flatter myself), but I did end whatever it is that we were. I learned so much in this mini relationship that spanned a couple months (though don't get too excited, we barely saw each other).

I learned that, at least for me personally, if there are issues that seem to be issues that may cause the relationship's demise at the start, most likely, these issues will persist. Knowing myself, I do not think I can get over these issues and learn to move past certain things. If I do not like the guy enough to look past these issues at the start, chances are I will never like him enough. So I did my i"t's not you, it's me" (which is the truth) and it ended pretty well. He appreciated my honesty and he also recognized certain issues/differences that may cause difficulty in the future. Long story short, it's over and I feel bad because I wish I could have liked him and felt great about it, but I didn't. To add, I am scared I threw someone great away and won't be finding any guy nearly as great anytime soon.

EVEN WORSE are the prospects that DC has to offer. This is really the most worrisome part about breaking someone's heart. Who is next, if anyone, and can I find a guy as nice and great as him? I went to a house party tonight, which is the reason for the all caps of EVEN WORSE. At this party I got a taste of what's out there and who there is to meet at a house party. I learned that it is not a pretty picture. At this party there were a handful of guys around the beer pong table and they all averaged 5 feet 2 inches. If I am wrong, they still felt that short. They were SO short. One of the guys on the shorter end of the stick started talking to me and dropped that he went to Yale probably 4 times! Here's some advice for you guys: it's NOT impressive after the first time! To top it off I ran into my ex-boyfriend who has a new girlfriend. I really felt like the old single lady who was at a college party and was too old to be there. OH... I also learned that I need to date someone older and if not, the youngest should be one year. I try to convince myself a year or two, no big deal, but it really is. There is such a difference between a 28 year old who is two years older than me versus a 24 year old. Don't try to tell me there isn't.

I am sorry that this post is not organized well and may no flow, but I need to touch on the fact that one of my closest and dearest friends (who send me the Mariah Carey link to "Heartbreaker" everytime I end thnigs with a guy) asked me, "Why are you so emotionally unavailable?" I think he was kidding and if he wasn't he probably didn't mean to be mean, but that is a serious claim and makes me sad. Am I emotionally unavailable? Maybe I am, but in this instance the guy told me he was holding back on stuff too. Maybe if we were both totally open it would have been different, but who knows. I do not agree that I am emotionally unavailable it just takes time for me, a lot of time, and by the time I'm ready I don't like him anymore or he is over me. Such a catch 22. Oh well. I guess for now I will still be an independent woman throwing my hands up and dancing sometime.