A dedicated reader, dear friend, and friend's boyfriend (yes, I have some male readers) sent me the following link as a possible blog topic:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/
After reading this, letting it marinate for a day, and listening to Endless Love off of the Glee 2 soundtrack, I am still no closer to having a clear cut opinion about this article. Part of it makes me feel somewhat upset and hopeless, like the other readers the article mentions and another part of me feels like maybe Lori Gottlieb has a point.
For those of you who are too lazy to read the article, (don't worry I usually fall in that category) Lori Gottlieb is the author of "Marry Him: The Case of Settling for Mr. Good Enough." She talks about her past dating experiences and how she refused to settle and was very picky. Sound familiar?
She argues that if you're on the verge of 30 you should suck it up and settle in order to settle down. She cites an interesting piece of evidence from the U.S. Census to support her argument, which states that when women hit their 40s, there are about 72 men for 100 women (for a 45-65-year-old demographic).
In addition, she writes that, "there are so many really wonderful men out there, men who want commitment, who want to be married, who are attractive and smart and interesting," Gottlieb says. "They may not be movie-star attractive, they may be awkward at first, they may not fit our cultural image of who Mr. Right or who Prince Charming is. But we shouldn't pass them up. Look what happened to me." Apparently, Lori is still single and ended up having a child with the help of a sperm donor.
I do agree that there are many wonderful people out there who want commitment, are smart, caring, and would be a great husband. BUT what are you supposed to do if they aren't wonderful for you? I am not saying I want to end up alone, but I am not sure if I'd rather end up settling either. I know myself and I know I would not be happy spending my life with someone who is socially awkward, walks weird, has a weird smell, etc. Yes, I have experienced all of these unique qualities on dates. I know that I would not be happy for my whole life, much less a couple of months.
I believe that you need to be happy and fulfilled. If having a husband (whether you settle or not) makes you happy then I guess, fine, go settle. But if you are not going to be happy by settling, I do not think I approve. Plenty of people can be happy living a somewhat untraditional life (by society's standards). I think that settling destroys the purpose of love and marriage, at least how I view them. The author makes us believe that our ideas of love and a perfect match are fictitious and stem from fairy tales, however, what about all the people in real life? I know couples who are so in love and feel that they found their perfect match. If they can, then so can we. Thoughts anyone?
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I would also like edible arrangements please. -Ivy
ReplyDeleteWhen Lori advocates settling, I don’t think she really want you to settle for someone that makes you uncomfortable, or worse, physically repulsed. I think she is saying that sometimes, it is important to take a chance and try things that don’t necessarily fit into your notion of perfection. What you envision as ideal may not, in reality, actually fulfill you. Why not try and venture into relationships you might not typically consider? Who knows, maybe you’ll find a guy who has hundreds of quirks and foibles but completes you perfectly.
ReplyDeleteYou should check out this movie, "He's Just Not That Into You." It has some interesting commentary on the things that friends say to each other that give them a sense of entitlement. The notions of "true love" and "spark" can cause some to focus on what they think they don't have rather than what they do. The idea of "settling" may not be due to the fact that he isn't that great, but could be attributed to an inflated set of ideals (as unromantic as that sounds). Sometimes a friend who tells you what you need to hear is better than one who tells you what you want to hear.
ReplyDeleteScott-
ReplyDelete#1 Thanks for getting back into Venus. It's been too long
#2 I do somewhat agree with you and actually that's what the article I was talking about and the author said as well. You strike a cord with me (is that the saying?) when you said "focus on what they do not have, rather than what they do." I am picky and it is a problem. In addition, I always dwell on the negative even when the surrounding situation is mostly positive. What is a girl to do?