I'd like to say that I am so excited to be receiving great reviews from people (granted most are my friends), but still. So glad people like this and think it's funny and/or useful.
Second, if you have comments, ideas, or requests for post topics PLEASE let me know. I have been getting some great ideas and have quite the list going of future postings. Here is a sneak peak: one is What it means when a guy does or says ___________ and the opposite What it means when a girl does or says ___________. This one requires research and help from you all because I am sure many of you out there have many examples of behaviors or conversations that have left you kinda baffled or thinking WTF girls suck or WTF guys are a**holes. I know I've been confused, which has caused me to spend hours of my life contemplating that one sentence or action. It's pretty pathetic, but as I said I am honest and honestly I've wasted HOURS/DAYS/MONTHS over this type of analysis. So please brainstorm some past convos/behaviors and get back to me. I think that topic has such potential for both sexes. Though for most of us girls the answer will prob be the sad realization that "he's just not that into you" ha.
Okay onto that butterfly filled first date. Here are some general groundrules for guys out there:
1-I think it's best to have some ideas of restaurants or types of cuisine in mind and then when you're finalizing plans like time/day of the date, ask her what she would prefer. Make sure you'd be fine with all of them, so that you won't be resenting her choice. Then both parties are happy. It sorta sucks to be taken to a place that you really don't want to go to or if you really don't like that type of food. It just puts a bad taste in our mouth. haha
Now, for me personally, I LOVE asian/sushi for a date. It's fun and kindaa exotic (or used to be) and not heavy. I think it's a great meal for a first date and you can joke about if you have roe or sesame seeds in your teeth (something that I'd be stressing about in my head all night). The only bad part is it's annoying to cut/rip sushi in half so you kinda have to shove it all in your mouth, which isn't the MOST attractive. Though, it may show the guy how much you can fit in there? Which I am assuming is something in which they're interested.
Just to give another opinion, one of my girlfriends said she is NOT a fan of sushi dates because it's so hard to eat it and awkward. So that's why I say ask the girl first.
I'd say generally no to Italian... too heavy and too dangerous for herbs to be stuck in one of your teeth.
2- Pick the girl up (whether in a car, cab, or by foot) As soon as I typed by foot I thought one thing- heels. Be considerate and keep in mind she may be wearing heels to look hot (aka to impress you) and heels are NOT good for walking. So do not assume that you'll pick a place by her and just walk when in reality it's a couple of blocks away and she'll be secretly dying that she has to walk and endure pain within the first ten minutes of the date. I wrote this thinking of all you NYC'ers out there. Also, don't be annoyed that she's wearing heels and can't walk. Trust me you want the girl you're with to look hot, so don't give us attitude about it and we're suffering to look good. If anything you should give us extra sympathy. You can see I've experienced some 'tude in the past.
3- This may sound weird, but try not to order something really cheap. As a girl who for some reason always prefers the more expensive options it sucks when the guy is like "I'm just gonna get the burger," which is like a $10 meal basically. Even if he then says, "but feel free to get whatever you want" we're gonna feel guilty (if we're nice girls) and prob won't get what we want because it will undoubtedly be more than a burger. I have had a personal experience with this one too. Also, need to add to let the girl order first (unless she hasn't decided yet, which is usually what happens to me) andddd if you're with a Jewish girl, ordering a pork chop may just be a little eh for the first date. I once thought I was going out with an NJB (nice Jewish boy) and he ordered a pork chop on the first date...made me question things a little, unfortunately not enough for what I would soon find out about that particular guy.
4- Definitely get the alochol flowing- makes for SUCH a better date. If you order wine don't just order a bottle without consulting her. Some people only like red or only like white. In addition, kinda seems like you're only thinking about yourself. Yep, this has also happened to me. Luckily, I drink both.
5- Wardrobe- this is a big deal. Your first impression means a lot here. Trust me she will be looking at your face, hair, shirt, jeans, shoes, wallet, etc. Dress nice because it's showing you care and are mature. I once went on a date to a nice thai place (not fancy, but, not a dump) and on the FIRST date the guy wore a backwards hat! I am sorry, but that is a no-no. I say if it's casual go for a polo and jeans (preferably not sneakers) and if it's nicer, button up and jeans and nice loafers. Newsflash: severe square toe for dress shoes is not really in. You are going to think I am INSANE, but whatever... here is a link to the shoe I love and most guys wearing these are good dressers. http://www.colehaan.com/colehaan/catalog/product.jsp?catId=100&productId=168673&productGroup=168674
Don't have to go with Cole Haan (an expensive option) apparently that Murphy whatever brand makes the same thing. Also mens jeans and shirts are not supposed to be SO big and baggy. You are no longer in middle school where it's cool to wear things three sizes too big. Baggy button ups and baggy jeans aren't cool. However, TOO tight isn't either. Don't be ashamed to shop and ask for help. Being a good dresser can make you so much hotter. I promise.
6- Convo... people say don't talk about serious stuff or controversial stuff, but I've gotten into some deeper topics and even about past gfs and I think it helps you get to know the person a lot better and means you're connecting really well. In addition, if you can learn why their old relationships didn't work or figure out what they're like with relationships I think that's great to know early on. Player? Douchebag? Can't commit? Gets distracted? Always being dumped because too nice? These things are good to know and the earlier, the better.
7- I don't think there's much more to say other than YOU MUST PAY! I am sorry, but you have to and if you don't, do not expect a second date. Do not let her pay for anything on the first date (yep... offered to pay for dessert once and he let me), but I think on the first date that shouldn't happen. I personally don't even think the second or third the girl should pay, though she should offer. Some guys may think differently.
I think some of what I said may cause some reactions or disagreement. If so, please, by all means, post. I like to know I am not just typing to myself.
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Good advice. But as a guy I have to disagree on some points. First, going out to a restaurant on a first date is trite. For the guy it is expensive, orthodox, stuffy, and most of the time both people have trouble finding a place they like to eat. For the girl it is unoriginal, reminds her of other dates, she is thinking about food and also boring. Also most of the time the real fun happens after dinner, such as drinks or whatever. I would recommend doing something that is unique, especially if you are in NYC. There are so many things to do such as a walk in a neighborhood, a theater show, a book or poem reading, drinks, or a sporting game. All these have their own benefits but will allow the guy to learn something different about the girl and will make the girl have a chance to tell her girlfriends about the completely original date she went on. So girls be up for something new and dont think to much into it if the guy wants to do something other than dinner.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing with paying. Yeah I agree the guy should pay the first date and maybe the second but after that the girl should make the offer to pay or split. I'm assuming most people that are reading this blog are not at their peak earning capacity and so we all are poor. With that said it makes the relationship mean more when each person can be honest. Dont get me wrong I love eating at nice places but the guy needs to feel that this girl is just not going with him to get free stuff.
Also with conversation. Definately talk about serious stuff. Not anything that is going to make the other person cry but topics that require some thought. There are tons of guys and girls out there and so it is a waste of time talking about mindless stuff during dinner. Also for the most part even if you disagree with the person it doesn't really matter as long as you are open to other opinions. Also the girl will most likely think that you are not a fawning twit but are somewhat independent.
As a slightly indecisive person, I really like it when the guy has some kind of plan in mind (at least in the beginning). It shows he's thought about the date in advance. Like Nikki said, it's great if you ask the girl if she is ok w/ a particular type of food, has allergies, etc. I loved this date I went on (haha, well, at least everything before the date) when the guy asked if I liked Japanese food because he had a few different places in mind. He's considerate!-Great!- I thought. When I said that I did, indeed, like his cuisine selection (not in those exact words), he told me that he made reservations. It was nice to know exact information (in advance) and not have to deal with any ambiguity. Though it may seem obvious to give important details, such as the time, the location, where you are meeting, etc., my friends and I have found that this information is not such a given. Knowing details allows us to plan our day, to actually be on time, and to think that you aren't flaky.
ReplyDeleteI would agree "hola." I don't think a restaurant is a bad idea, but something creative can be great and more memorable. As long as the place/idea is tasteful, I think the change would be thoughtful and can give new perspective about the guy and his interests.
I am not cheap. I love food and I love taking girls out, that is when I can stand to hang out with them for more than a mere 5 mins.
ReplyDeleteBackground- On my most recent first date, as the final night cap I took the girl to a Hibachi Japanese place where they cook the food in front of you and I dropped $75 on the meal, with no alcoholic drinks, and I was a little annoyed. (the main part of our date was during the day when I took her kayaking on my lake with plenty of alcohol and some other substances I shall not name here in public).
Anyways, I'll make my point short and sweet-- if it were up to me, a first date would consist of something fun and cheap (kayaking...mini golf...bowling...etc) and then follow it up with a relatively easy and casual dinner (for lack of a better example and because I just ate there the other day, Chilis). Alcohol and food is cheap and you can get relatively drunk and full for $50 max, especially when all drinks are two for one. This type of date provides for an all around experience with the person. You get to see how they are when there's relatively no pressure (kayaking/bowling/mini golf with drugs and alcohol) and you get to enjoy a dinner where you (as the guy) know you won't be dropping a lot of money (drinks at nice restaurants can be around $14 per drink). Then, based on how this first date goes, you can then take her to dinner somewhere more classy (more expensive) or just never call her again (such as was my experience).
Dear Hola,
ReplyDeleteNo clue who you are, but LOVE the name, really appreciate your comments, and am happy that someone agrees with me (about some stuff at least).
I agree with you for the most part except your negativity about the dinner. Let me first say, I am not opposed to doing other things, however, I personally LOVE food and rarely eat out unless on a date, so that's why I enjoy it. For me it's like a special occasion kinda. You feel me? Also, I was not saying the girl shouldn't offer because I think she should. Though I'd like the guy to pay at least the first two times (I still really stick with my original three, but we are in a recession)
Here is where I disagree. You can DEFINITELY have fun at a restaurant (they serve alcohol there too) and I have never found myself with a guy hitting our heads against a wall to decide on a place. It's not that hard to find a cuisine both agree on and if it is then good luck in the future with that person. I do not think that the first date needs to be like the most memorable or anything and it's not boring unless you or she is boring. I think two people can have fun no matter where they are it just depends on the company they are with.
But I am warning you and guys in general, if someone told me let's go to a poetry reading (not the other ideas, just the poetry reading) I'd think it was weird and it would not be a good memory it would be more along the weirder lines. I say go with something more normal first then expand your horizons so you can do cool/unique things that both parties would appreciate. Let me make this clear, I do not speak for all girls. My friend Elise would prefer the non conventional and is venturing to say that most girls would. I am not sure, but then again, I love food.
Woah nets... I sense some hostility. I first want to thank you for the post. I honestly am so excited that people are reading and commenting and I don't even really know who they are...(feel free to e-mail me with your identity.. you prob won't, but the curiosity is killing me). $75 is definitely a lot and I have a couple questions for you.
ReplyDelete1- you obv were not a fan of the girl (sound sorta bitter about girls in general, what happened with this girl that made you never call her again? Why were you not a fan? This will help us girls out there who wonder why didn't he call?
2- I think low-key and cheaper is okay, but I really think some girls would prefer a little classier the first date (if we're talking restaurants). I am trying to find my down-to-earth and low-maintenance side (which I DO definitely have), but I just think, at least for me, I'd prefer classier than Chili's for a first date. Here's one reason why. I feel like as you begin dating things get more casual and relaxed. It's not such an event anymore to go to dinner or somewhere nice and you just kinda go to get food. I really feel like (at least based on the first impression, which is what you have to go on after a first date) the dates only get less nice from that point on. They get more casual and it's more about hanging out than something fancy. So if it's only gonna get casual from there where do you go from Chili's?? I want to say McDonald's? haha but that is totally a joke and I'm afraid I'd lose "nets" respect forever. I personally would prefer something a little nicer at first so you can set a good impression and show her you are classy. Girls...anyone with me? If not, that's cool, I'll look like a high maintenance spoiled b*tch all alone, but I know many of you out there agree.